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Being an absent father sounds like a heartfelt expression of regret and realization about missing important moments in your child’s life. It’s clear that you deeply care about your child and want to make up for lost time. It’s never too late to show your love and support.

Your presence and involvement mean a lot to them. Keep cherishing those precious moments with your loved ones. These sentiments were shared by Archbishop Nicholas Duncan Williams

I realized certain errors. I made unconscious errors when I was growing up, married very young at the age of 23, I didn’t understand a lot of things. Ministry was tough in those days so my life was always on the road. I was always gone. I was telling them about Bishop Ben. I used to go six weeks, sometimes 8 weeks to North America, South America, Asia, travel for days to be able to make ends meet, to provide and take care of the family because the church couldn’t take care of me. I learned very early not to depend on tithes and offering and depend on people because that will wound you. I had one experience and I said no more. I’m not depending on anybody but God.

I was an absentee Father.

I realized when I look back and I look at the lives of my kids, I realized that there is a vacuum that has been created that is going to take a lot of Grace and wisdom to breach that gap. This was what created a vacuum; I was never there. I provided, I paid their school fees, I made sure they had everything they needed, but I was never there. And even when I come, most times I’m tired, so I have to sleep. By the time I’m up in the morning, they’ve left for school because I wake up and pray at midnight and go back to sleep.

So, by the time I’m up, they’ve left for school, by the time they come back, I’m in the office. When I come back from the office, they are asleep. When they wake up, I’m asleep. And it went on for many years. I realized just recently by revelation that I was an absentee father, that even though I loved them, and I cared for them, I lacked understanding of many things. It’s not just provision and providing; you need to have that emotional connection, and it wasn’t there.

They had to raise themselves, learn to be survivors, and create all kinds of things in order for them to survive and to fill that void. But nobody can fill those voids, and nothing can fill that void but the love of a father. It is taking a lot of work to try and breach that gap. Yesterday, I took my grandchildren into the pool, and I started doing aerobics with them in the pool. As I was dancing and exercising with them, I realized that that was what I should have done when my children were their age.

Make a Little Time Don’t Be an absent father.

Let me say this to fathers and mothers – I know you mean well, and I know you love your kids, and you need to provide for them and work hard. But in the midst of fighting for everything to provide for them, make a little time every now and then to bond with them. Because if you don’t bond with them now, there’ll come a time and there will be such a vacuum between you and them that it’s going to take a lot to fill it.

One of my sons, he doesn’t call me dad. I’ve done everything to say, listen, I’m not sir, call me dad, and he keeps unconsciously calling me sir. Sir, sir, because he never saw me as a dad as he was growing up. He saw me as this anointed, gifted, powerful man of God but not a dad because I was never around to play with him, to do things with him so he can see me as a dad and a friend. I’m trying to make it up, to work at it, to bridge the gap.

Please make time for those kids

I was talking to one of my bishops and I said, “Young man, how many kids do you have?” He told me their ages. I said, “Please make time for those kids. You can replace your wife, you can replace anybody, but you can’t replace those kids. They are bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, and it is your blood that flows through their veins. Make time, connect with them right now because a time will come when it may be too late and it will only take divine intervention to bridge the gap.”

So, they grow up with all kinds of attitudes, and sometimes you ask, “What’s going on here?” It began a long time ago. We call them trauma, trauma, trauma, and it creates triggers.

You see them doing things, acting out of character, and you ask, “What did I do wrong?” You didn’t do anything wrong; you just miss certain moments. There are moments in life that fathers and mothers must never miss.

Cancelled a Flight to Attend daughter’s Birthday

One of my children’s birthdays was approaching, and he said, “Dad, my birthday is coming up, I need you to be around.” I was supposed to travel, so I called my travel agent and said, “You know what, cancel the ticket.” She said it would cost me, and I replied, “It doesn’t matter what it costs, cancel the ticket.”

My child said, “Dad, you can travel, you can go, I’m fine, I’m okay.” But I felt otherwise, “No, you’re not okay, I’ll be around. I’m not going, even though she said, ‘You can go, you can go, you can go.’ She doesn’t mean it. Oh, she doesn’t mean it. It will be held against me one day, and it will add up to all the time I’ve been absent.”

I decided, “I’ll cancel myself, I’m not going, I don’t care about the meeting. It’s your birthday, I’ll be here.” Nothing matters but your birthday. I’ll be here. If you don’t let them know that they are precious, they will grow up feeling like they don’t matter. Acting like they don’t matter.

Try not to miss those moments.

Don’t miss those moments, tell somebody. Don’t miss those moments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, certain moments when they are graduating, certain weekends when they are in boarding schools. Their friends and loved ones come, but you are not there. The damage, the impact it has on them. The rejection, the feeling of abandonment and rejection when father and mother aren’t around.

Sometimes I wasn’t there because I was busy somewhere, just putting them in boarding school and paying those expensive fees. I thought it was okay, but it wasn’t. Their friends, family, and parents come to be with them, but they are all alone. Away from home, father is not there, mother is not there. You have no idea the damage, the impact it does on them, the feeling of abandonment and rejection. “My dad is never around.”